Articles on Trauma and Relationships
How to Do Relationship Repair
"I'm sorry" isn't enough. Real relationship repair requires contrition, accountability, and amends. Learn the 3-part process that actually heals what arguments break.
Anxiety is a Messenger
CPTSD anxiety isn't regular anxiety. It's a messenger from unresolved trauma. Learn five ways it shows up and why befriending it works better than managing it.
How We Let Anger Sabotage Our Intimate Relationships
Anger is a strategy, not just an emotion. Learn why angry complaint pushes your partner away and what to do instead, from a trauma and relationship specialist.
The False Safety of Withdrawal
Withdrawal feels like protection but it sabotages the closeness you want. Learn why complex trauma makes distance feel safer than connection, and how to shift it.
What’s Wrong with Being Right
Being right feels like safety. But as a relational strategy, it backfires spectacularly. Learn where the need to be right comes from and how to choose connection instead.
How to Heal CPTSD Over the Holidays
The holidays don't have to mean white-knuckling through flashbacks. Learn a 5-step process to navigate CPTSD flashbacks and turn the holidays into healing.
Masking Complex Trauma (CPTSD) and the Holidays
Masking CPTSD keeps you performing instead of connecting. Learn why high-performers hide behind cheerful compliance and how to start letting the people you love actually see you.
Trauma and Responsibility (when Healing CPTSD)
What happened to you isn't your fault, but healing is your responsibility. Learn how to stop letting unresolved trauma damage the relationships you care about most.
The 7 Steps of Relationship Repair
Most couples don't know how to repair after conflict. These 7 steps, from Relational Life Therapy, create a reliable path back to connection every time.
When Close Isn't Safe
You long for closeness but push it away the moment it arrives. Learn why complex trauma makes intimacy feel dangerous and how to start making connection feel safe.
How We Retraumatize Ourselves (and What to Do About It)
Much of what passes for healing can make complex trauma worse. Learn how biohacking, spiritual practices, and pushing through "resistance" retraumatize your nervous system.
Stop Shaking the Baby
High sensation seeking feels like aliveness, but it's often a sophisticated way to avoid healing. Learn why intensity keeps you stuck and how to find your way to calm.
The Entity Will See You Now
AI mental health tools are getting smarter, but they can't be trusted with your inner world. A trauma specialist explains why human-to-human healing can't be replaced.
When Tolerance is a Bad Thing
You'd say you were mostly fine. But underneath that "fine" is hopelessness you've learned to tolerate. Learn why insight alone doesn't heal complex trauma and what does.
Not Alone in the Dark
I spent decades waking in terror before I learned what my nervous system needed. This is the story of finding the wounded child inside and finally bringing her home.
Why It's Hard to Savor the Good Stuff (in Trauma Healing)
You've worked so hard for this life, but you can't let the good stuff in. Learn why trauma blocks pleasure, and how to teach your nervous system that feeling good is safe.
The Mask of High-Performance
You rarely rest because the dread starts the instant you pause. Learn why high performance masks unresolved trauma and what your hardworking part is really protecting you from.
Transforming Touch in Trauma Healing
You want connection but your body freezes the moment someone gets close. Learn how to reclaim safe, healthy touch after trauma, from self-touch to intimacy with your partner.
The Disloyalty of Healing
Healing complex trauma means betraying the values your family taught you. Learn why getting better can feel like disloyalty, and why that betrayal is necessary.
The 3 Foundations of Intimacy (and Relationship Repair)
Accountability, empathy, and vulnerability are the foundations of lasting intimacy. Learn why most couples skip them and how to build them, especially after trauma.