Challenging Myths about Sexual Assault
This article is the first in a two-part series. You can read Part 2, “Dismantling Myths about Relationship Abuse,” here.
We often don't recognize that we're using a faulty model of the world to draw conclusions until we encounter a challenge to our assumptions. When we hold the model up to the light, we can see that it was poorly made with flimsy materials, and then go about the work of creating a more accurate model.
We might feel embarrassed or awkward, but changing our minds based on new information is a sign of adaptability and intelligence.
The topic of sexual assault is like that. So is intimate partner abuse. It is almost impossible to live in our world without carrying false beliefs about sexual assault and intimate partner abuse that color our judgement and decision-making.
Beliefs like sexual assault only impacts women and girls is one myth. Another false belief is that if a victim of intimate partner abuse doesn't leave, they're somehow at fault for the abuse when it continues. They’re not.
Of course, when I say it like that, you probably agree with me. You'd be surprised how many of us carry these myths around, though, and use them to make sense of the world. Even when we think we're educated about the issues. Even when, as professionals, we work on these issues. Even when we are survivors ourselves.
The myths are a big part of what perpetuates western culture's complaisance towards these issues. They are used to justify the occurrence and deny the impact of sexual assault and intimate partner abuse.
It’s valuable to explore some of the most common beliefs together, so we can dismantle them. This article will focus on the most common myths about sexual assault. The next will explore myths about intimate partner abuse.
It's important to know these, so we can challenge them when they pop up in our newspapers, movies and tv shows, and our daily conversations.
Most of us don’t choose these attitudes. They come with our culture. We are conditioned into them by exposure, and we can unlearn them by choice.
When we hear others blame the survivor for sexual assault or intimate partner abuse, we can put responsibility where it belongs — with the perpetrator.
Why This Matters
Rape myths are everywhere. Michaela Coel’s Emmy-award winning television series, "I May Destroy You," does a thorough job of exploring, for survivors, how such myths impact efforts to find justice and to heal.
And if you've read this far, you are probably already bothered by the way sexual consent (or lack of it) is portrayed in popular media. False beliefs about sexual assault are ubiquitous in our entertainment, from sexual coercion to rape.
It's important that we learn to see the myths our culture pushes for what they are — ideas that allow us to deny and minimize the harm of sexual assault and lend it tacit approval to continue.
Research shows that men are more likely than women to hold false beliefs about sexual assault. And men who hold false beliefs about sexual assault are more likely to hold negative attitudes towards women. They are also more likely to commit sexual assault.
Over 90% of sexual assault perpetrators are men. But across the population, people who hold false beliefs about sexual assault are more likely to accept and excuse sexual assault, interpersonal violence, and intimate partner abuse.
When together, we challenge these myths, we are playing an essential part in changing the culture.
On "Victim” vs "Survivor"
I'll be using the term "survivor" rather than "victim" here.
It’s up to individuals themselves to determine when the shift from victim to survivor occurs. Some people feel they are survivors from the moment they escape from the perpetrator, and they may prefer the term “survivor” to be used immediately.
Other individuals use the term "survivor" to signify that they have made progress regaining control of their lives and recovering from the experience. They may resent being called "survivors" too soon and prefer that people recognize that they were victimized because, in the early stages, they feel like victims and not survivors.
I will use the term survivor because this emphasizes the survivor-centered approach of advocacy, as well as the agency and power of survivors of sexual assault.
13 Common Myths about Sexual Assault
Let's explore the most common false beliefs about rape and sexual assault, so we can start to challenge them whenever they come up.
When we're aware of myths, we are not only a safer space for survivors to come for support, but we're actively shifting the cultural narrative, and building a world free of sexual violence for everyone.
That starts with us and what we tolerate around us.
This list is by no means exhaustive, but it covers some of the most common myths that we are told about sexual assault.
1. "Sexual assault is a result of the perpetrator’s sex drive." No. The core of false beliefs about sexual assault is that it is a "crime of passion," driven by lust or desire rather than power and control. Research shows that this is simply not the case.
2. "Sexual assault happened because the perpetrator lost control of themselves." No. Sexual arousal does not lead to loss of executive function. Sexual assault is often premeditated and planned. Even when it is not, perpetrators remain fully in control of and responsible for their actions.
3. "It’s not sexual assault if they did not fight the perpetrator." No. The freeze response is a normal and extremely common reaction in survivors. Freezing means not moving or speaking up, and it is beyond our conscious control. The body perceives a life-threatening situation (even if it might not seem life-threatening to an outside observer) and it shuts down. Not saying "yes" means "no."
4. "Survivors are exaggerating the physical, emotional or mental impact of sexual assault." No. Sexual assault does not need to cause life-threatening injuries or severe trauma for it to have a devastating and long-term impact on the survivor. Research is clear that all levels of sexual assault negatively impact the physical, mental, and emotional health of survivors with far-reaching consequences on their wellbeing and their futures.
5. "Only certain women or girls are vulnerable to sexual assault." No. Sexual assault can happen to anyone, regardless of their sex, age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, class, income, education level, professional status, or other factors. Anyone can be a victim of sexual assault. That might be scary to recognize, but it can — and does — happen to people from all walks of life. Our myth of the "perfect victim" is just not true.
6. "The survivor caused the sexual assault by the way they were dressed or behaving, including drinking or taking drugs." No. Sexual assault happens because a perpetrator decides to commit a crime. No one is responsible for the actions of someone else. It is hard to overstate how deeply this "blame the victim" narrative impacts how we treat survivors.
7. "If they didn't say "no," it's not sexual assault." No. The absence of a verbal "no" does not imply consent. In cases of drug-facilitated sexual assault, when the survivor is altered or unconscious, a verbalized "no" is not possible. If they are in a shock-induced freeze response, they may not be capable of saying "no." Only a "yes" implies consent and consent can be withdrawn at any time.
8. "If the perpetrator did not have a weapon, it does not qualify as sexual assault." No. Sexual assault happens when the perpetrator exerts power and control over someone. Physical violence is not required. It is enough that the survivor does not give consent.
9. "If the perpetrator was someone the survivor knows, it does not qualify as sexual assault." No. The vast majority of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the survivor knows. While strangers do commit sexual assault, it is far more commonly a friend, colleague, neighbor, community or religious leader, family member, partner, or ex-partner.
10. "If the victim previously had sex with the perpetrator, or was in a relationship with them, it doesn't qualify as sexual assault." No. Having previous sexual encounters does not give someone the right to ongoing sexual access to another person's body. Even if people are married, consent is still required for sex each and every time.
11. "Removing a condom without consent doesn't qualify as sexual assault." No. Nonconsensual condom removal is sexual assault. Every step of sex requires consent. A one-time verbal "yes" does not give someone complete control over another person's body.
12. "Pressuring someone to have sex is not sexual assault." No. Sexual coercion means using verbal pressure or manipulation to have sex including threats, humiliation, or other abuse. It is part of coercive control, which is when someone fears that violence will be used against them or others if they do not comply.
13. “Taking or sharing sexual images without consent is not sexual assault.” No. Image-based sexual abuse is sexual assault. Consent is required before taking sexually explicit images of someone and again before sharing them with any third party. This includes editing images or videos to make someone appear as if they are engaged in sexual behavior (i.e., “deep fake pornography”). The impacts of image-based sexual abuse are severe and long-lasting, and include post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and depression.
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Maybe while reading this, you noticed yourself agreeing even partially with some of these false beliefs about sexual assault.
If you found these statements challenging, please don't be hard on yourself. I hope this article encouraged you to examine where those beliefs have come from and to see them for the myths they are.
Seeing our culture's false beliefs about sexual assault can be overwhelming. It may cause us to question our own experiences or behavior and notice where we need to heal.
One of the things that made me decide to become a trauma specialist, working with survivors of sexual assault and intimate partner abuse, was when I was creating the Rape Crisis Counseling app. Many perpetrators approached me to tell me their stories about sexually assaulting someone, and asked me, “Was that assault?”
They were questioning the false beliefs about sexual assault our culture told them. And they were beginning to realize the impact of what they'd done.
It is never too late to heal. It is never too late to make amends and to repair where we've gone wrong.
If you'd like personal support with what you're navigating, I encourage you to get in touch.
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