The Power of Now

One of the worst things about unresolved trauma is how it takes us out of the present moment. Just when we're getting what we want in life, trauma keeps us from enjoying what we've worked for.  

In our careers, our lives, and our relationships, unresolved trauma keeps us from enjoying the goodness of life.

It robs us from pausing to let in the moments of celebration that make life glorious. It keeps us from connecting in our relationships and deepening our sense of belonging with each other.

I hope you know how normal it is for unresolved trauma to hijack the moment. It's not our fault and we’re not doing anything wrong. (Have a read about neuroception for more about this.) 

This can look like ruminating on something that our minds won’t let go of, just when everything is going well. Or maybe when we try to relax, our bodies won’t stop giving us the signal that something is wrong. Or the moment someone we care about wants to get closer to us, we might feel strong negative emotions that seem to come out of nowhere.

Unresolved trauma can show up in hard-to-identify ways.

The truth is, according to the latest neuroscience, we're not to blame for how we are reacting. The unresolved trauma takes up most of our attention and subconsciously steals the show.

It's how our nervous systems are primed to react, because we’re primed to prioritize survival over our enjoyment of life.

Until we do something about the underlying trauma, it will keep interrupting so that we only experience a portion of the goodness that is already in our lives.

When we realize the toll it’s taking, it’s natural to feel hopeless and sad.

We want to experience what we've worked hard to create for ourselves — the achievements, the fulfilment, the personal growth. It took work to get where we are and we deserve to enjoy it.

But with trauma, we're living life in muted colors with the volume turned down. It's like living our lives at a distance. Like we’re here, but not quite all the way.

Nobody would consciously choose to do that. It's just that with unresolved trauma, it’s hard to remember that we have a choice.

But we do.

Trauma is a sign that we need to heal, nothing more. It doesn't mean that we are broken or that there is anything wrong with us.

In fact, trauma is a sign that our bodies responded to a perceived life-threatening event and survived it. But surviving isn't thriving.

Part of trauma healing is learning to be present in the moment. Over time, doing so creates a sense of aliveness and contentment with life.

The traumatized mind doesn't want to be in the present. It is so focused on preventing the threat from happening again that it ruminates on the past and projects onto the future.  

But this hypervigilance keeps us from focusing on what bring us joy. It can feel like life is happening around us, but without our full participation.

We deserve the fullness that life has to offer — all of it.

When we realize that we’re missing the moment by not being present, it’s easy to get stuck in the trap of trying harder. We might take a long meditation retreat to get our thoughts in order through sheer force of will and effort. Or we download apps to try to quantify our presence, creating regimens and tracking our biometrics.

Although this may be helpful in the short-term, until we resolve the underlying trauma, we'll keep missing the point.

When we resolve the trauma in our bodies, the rest of us can catch up. Once the body feels safe again, it feels good to be in the present moment.

It makes sense.

If our nervous systems are convinced that the only way to prevent more trauma from happening is to pay endless close attention to all the risks, there's not much space left in our awareness for anything else.

If at the level of our subconscious, we're constantly scanning for threats because that's how we keep ourselves safe, we won't have much ability to enjoy the simple pleasures that are all around us.

Healing doesn’t have to be hard.

Choosing to heal and resolve trauma is usually much easier than we expect it to be, and nowhere near as hard as carrying it around everywhere like a bag of rocks.

When we do, we free up energy and attention in ourselves. This isn't a metaphor.

The energy and attention we spent on hypervigilance is repurposed for our thriving instead. Once our bodies resolve the trauma, we get to enjoy fully being in the now.

Here are some ways that we can bring ourselves back to the present moment. I’ve shared ones that you can do safely, no matter your level of healing or trauma activation right now.

3 Ways to Create More Present-Moment Awareness Right Now

1. Press all your toes into the ground.

This is a neuroscience hack that you can do anywhere, anytime, to bring yourself back into your body. You can do it during a conversation when you feel yourself starting to drift out. Take a moment to feel each one of your toes as they contact the ground (which you might be feeling through socks and shoes). Focus your attention on them as you notice the pressure.

2. Call yourself back by name.

Say your name out loud or to yourself to bring yourself back into the moment. This is especially helpful if you feel frequently dissociated or sometimes like you’re a little outside of your body. I invite you to create a tone of voice that’s gentle and compassionate. Please don't judge yourself for not being in your body at this moment. What matters is that you noticed and called yourself back home.

 3. Focus on a resource.

Resourcing is a concept from somatic trauma resolution where you train yourself to find and focus on things that create a sense of inner safety. Inner safety is a pre-requisite for being able to be present in the moment. There are many types of resources: external, internal, emotional, spiritual, and more. For example, an internal resource can be someplace that feels good (like a sense of warmth, aliveness, or spaciousness) in your body. An external resource could be focusing on something beautiful in your environment or a beloved pet that is nearby. The idea is to find something that makes you feel good and focus on it. (To help with this, I created a free practice that you can get here.)

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We can all gauge our level of presence in the moment as a measure of how we are doing. If we're consistently not able to be present, perhaps something needs attention, resolution, or repair.

We’re worth the effort it takes to heal. 

And if we don't, we miss out on the goodness that life is offering us each precious moment. We miss the wild sunsets, the thrill of diving into cold water, the warmth of our partner's hand — all the little things that weave the tapestry of life into a masterpiece.

It's all here, waiting for us to notice.

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