Supporting Survivors with Dr. Indira Henard

Sometimes a conversation will shift how you see the world and your place in it. My conversations with Dr. Indira Henard always have a way of doing just that. I’m honored to share our most recent conversation here.

Full disclosure. I tried to edit an abridged version, but the truth is that Dr. Henard shared so much wisdom and power, I couldn’t bring myself to edit anything out.

Here’s a minimally edited transcript of our conversation, with some parts bolded for emphasis. I hope you learn as much as I did from Dr. Henard, who as you’ll see is an amazing leader.

Elie: Dr. Indira Henard is the Executive Director of the multiple award-winning Washington D.C. Rape Crisis Center, the oldest in the US, and celebrating 50 years of survivor-centered, community-led services this year.

Among other achievements, Dr. Henard partnered to open the first rape crisis center in Lagos, Nigeria and serves on the Independent Review Commission to address sexual assault in the military under the Office of the Secretary of Defense. Among her many leadership awards is the Washingtonian of the Year Award in 2020, at the beginning of the pandemic, when demand for services skyrocketed there was a surge in domestic violence and sexual assault.

Dr. Henard worked with my tech company, Code Innovation, and a coalition of international NGOs on the digital Rape Crisis Counseling project and mobile app, supporting networks of survivors all over the world.

She was the one that said, “I believe in you, you can do this. Let’s do this together.” I will be forever grateful for that.

Dr. Henard: Thank you for having me. So great to be with you again.

Elie: What is your “why” for this work?

Dr. Henard: People ask me all the time, “Why rape crisis?” And my response is, “Why not?” What I like to say is this is not hard work, this is heart work.

What wakes me up in the morning, even though I may be a little tired, is to see the healing that happens before my eyes, when we are working with a survivor of sexual violence. This truly is my life's work.

It is the highest honor for me to be leading the oldest rape crisis center in the midst of a global pandemic and the racial reckoning. Sexual violence is a human rights violation on the fundamental level of what it means to be a human being. It gets at your soul.

The work that we do is soul work. It's sacred work. It's unscripted work. There is nothing more powerful, for me, than being able to be in service to survivors.

What we fail to realize is that when someone is sexually violated, it doesn't just impact the individual. It impacts the community. It impacts the family. We're looking at the individual from a holistic standpoint.

Elie: I'd love to hear more about that. It stood out from the first time I spoke with you.

Dr. Henard: We believe in traditional psychodynamic modalities, in terms of therapeutic services. But we also know, for survivors, there is no straight path to healing. So, we create multiple choice gates for survivors. What I like to say is that we offer a healing buffet.

You can come in for individual therapy and or group counseling, but we also offer alternative holistic methods as well. We believe in reiki. We believe in cranial sacral therapy. I lead sweat lodges for our clients, which is a Native American tradition that's rooted in the Lakota tradition. It's almost like a rebirthing, purification experience.

My team and I take about 25 to 30 survivors out to Gore, Virginia. We build the sweat lodge. It's pitch-black inside, 124 degrees, very hot. It's also ritualistic. We do four rounds of that. Each round is an hour in that 124-degree temperature. I normally serve as the pourer, the person who leads inside the lodge.

Depending on what's in my heart, I may lead rounds on shame and forgiveness, or whatever is coming to me. It’s a release. It's another way to move the trauma through your body. To get to a place where it's reconciled, so that you can continue unpacking it in a healthy way.

Elie: I'd love to talk about how the pandemic and the racial reckoning is impacting the communities you serve.

Dr. Henard: There was no playbook or blueprint for how to lead how to run an agency in the midst of a pandemic. For the first time in 50 years, we had to pivot quickly. All our services went virtually via telehealth, and my team did a beautiful job of that seamless transition.

But we had to do a survey of our clients to see what supplies would be needed so that there wouldn't be a disruption in their in their therapeutic services. Having a laptop and a computer — it's a luxury. Everybody doesn't have that. Everybody doesn't have Wi Fi. It's a luxury. Some folks were struggling to keep the lights on. We bought laptops and iPads, and I even paid some Wi Fi bills, to make sure all our clients were able to be served.

I think the other piece, during the pandemic, is that we also have this racial reckoning. We saw the continued killings of Black folks by law enforcement. We saw George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, etc., etc. The majority of our clients come from low economic backgrounds and the majority of our clients are Black, African American.

We had to be very intentional around what the racial reckoning meant, not only for our Black clients, but also for our Black staff, and myself as Black leadership. The D.C. Rape Crisis Center is founded on a legacy of Black leadership.

Our mission is that we create a world free of sexual violence. But we also know that all forms of oppression are connected. You cannot look at sexual violence as a single issue because we don't live single issue lives.

To have effective sexual assault services, there must be a direct response to racism and oppression.

We were able to be intentional with our clients and our Black clients. We are always a staff that's having the hard conversations and creating space, or what I like to call creating a “brace space” for folks to talk about how what is happening in the world is impacting them.

In the midst of what I call the COVID trauma, we had the political trauma, and then we have the racial trauma. When we look at it from a survivor standpoint, particularly our Black survivors, it was literally compounded trauma. It was a triple threat, almost like a perfect storm.

When you tie the racial reckoning to the historical trauma that Black folks have experienced, it was a lot. It was a lot, even for me as a Black leader.

What does it mean for me to show up every day as a Black woman who was leading the oldest rape crisis center in a predominantly white space? Making sure I had time to process. Making sure I had support. And that I was taking care of this vessel, meaning the nervous system, as much as possible.

Elie: I've been learning how much racial oppression has a sexual violence component to it. This might be something the white people in my community may not have thought about before — how sexual violence is used as a tool of racial oppression.

Dr. Henard: I'm so glad that you brought that up, because we can't talk about sexual violence as it relates to Black and Brown communities without looking at it from a historical context. 

We know in the US, during slavery, Black female slaves were used to build white wealth in this country, to broaden the political economy. There was forced breeding. There was forced sterilization.

I can't talk about sexual organs without talking about reproductive justice. The current gynecological procedures that we go through today, as women, for example. The Pap smear — that was originated on black slaves females by white men.

It's important that we make these linkages. When we look at how Black slaves were treated during slavery, how their masters forced themselves on them. They had babies. All of that without consent.

We look at the reproductive justice aspect of it, and then we fast-forward to what's happening now in our country, with maternal mortality, Black women, and reproductive justice. We see, for example, Breonna Taylor, who got killed. All of this — state-sanctioned violence, reproductive justice, sexual violence — is all connected.

That's why we are so clear that you have to look at everything from an anti-oppression lens, from an intersectional lens. Our work and my personal work meet at the intersection of freedom, justice, and liberation.

We have to be able to understand the history, so that we can really put what's happening in today's world in context.

Elie: Thank you. I know that’s going to be new to many people listening. I wanted to talk about self-care.

Dr. Henard: I'm starting to push back and have some resistance towards the term self-care. Because when most folks think of self-care, they think of walks and bubble baths and all that that's not what self-care is.

The term that I'm really starting to embrace is community care. …

What we see in the sexual violence movement is that it is a revolving door. Folks are in and out, particularly Black women leaders. There’s not that many of us, because of burnout. The work looks different for Black women leaders. The standard is different for Black women leaders.

The reason that I have sustained so long is not because I practice self-care. No.  It is because I have developed what I call community care. Community care, for me, is yes — I need to be mindful of my wellness. I use the term wellness because it's a holistic effort for me. But for me, my sustainment is community care.

The question I pose to people is, “Who do you go to, in the midnight hour? When the days are long? When the midnights are hard? When the sun has not come up? Who is your tribe? Who is your personal Board of Directors?”

The circle I have been able to cultivate has been a joy for me. I can't even begin to describe what it has meant, because there's no way that I would be here today had it not been for that community of care, that community of practice.

I encourage folks who are in this work to think about, “Who is in your circle?” Who are the people that you can completely be vulnerable with, where you can completely take off the masks? Because nobody does it alone.

This work is rewarding, but it can be challenging sometimes. Even more so when you come to this work as a survivor. There's an extra responsibility that you have, when you come to this work as a survivor, which most folks in the movement do. … There's an extra level of accountability and responsibility that you have for your vessel.

For me, self-care is like a setup. Because I don't do bubble baths. For me, it's about my community.

Elie: I love that reframe. It's away from this individualistic frame of mind toward something more connected and acknowledging of relationship. Thank you for that. 

What are some of the biggest challenges that you've had in educating people about how to support survivors?

Dr. Henard: I think the biggest challenge is language. There's still a lot of educating that we have to do around what is sexual violence. What constitutes sexual violence? How are people defining it?

The other piece is that we have to bridge that intergenerational divide. Because when I talk to a 70- or 80-year-old about sexual assault and sexual violence, the conversation is much different than if I'm talking to a 20-, 30-, or 40-year-old.

When we saw high-profile sexual assault cases in the news, there was a lot of division. For example, Bill Cosby. The Black community is so divided over Bill Cosby, and a lot of it is division down by age. Some of elder folks in the Black community are like, “What are you talking about?” Like, “she said he did this and that. I'm not seeing that. There was no rape." Understanding what constitutes sexual violence on the gender-based violence continuum is so important.

A lot of the work in sexual violence continues to be around language and level setting. What is sexual assault? It continues to be around disrupting rape culture. Folks need to understand it can happen to anyone — at any age, men, women, sexual orientation, race, etc., etc. That's important to know.

Our work is not done. Part of what we have been trying to do is to have the conversation. Our faith-based institutions are critical. We're starting to see some progress in our militaries. It’s all rooted in language.

Elie: I remember when we were working on the Rape Crisis Counseling app,(which is celebrating it’s 5th anniversary). After I looked at the definitions of sexual assault, I had a reckoning about what I thought had happened, and what actually happened, according to these definitions. And my history started to look very different. There are real barriers to acknowledging, “This has happened to me.”

What are some of the things that you would encourage people to think about if they're considering disclosing or supporting someone else's disclosure?

Dr. Henard: One of the most important things you can do is listen. This is not the time to ask a million questions. You don't get to dissect someone's story. To that end, no one owes you their story. If someone comes to you and says that they have been sexually violated, the hope is that you believe them. That you listen to them. That you let them know that you are there to support them in whatever they want to do or don't want to do. It's critical.

That goes back to level setting, because when someone is sexually violated, particularly in those early stages, they may not know what they want to do. They may not know what they need. Sometimes it's just about saying those simple words, “I believe you. I'm here for you. I'm here to listen.” Those words mean so much.

For those who are disclosing, it takes so much courage to tell your story or to tell someone that you have been sexually violated. My fervent hope is that folks know the resources out there, whether it's calling a crisis hotline or coming in for support. But what I will also say is that your path is your path. Your healing is going to look different.

You may not want therapeutic professional support. You may not want to do anything. I encourage folks who disclose to see how they're feeling and what direction they want to go. It's important for those who are disclosing, that they don't feel like they're being rushed.

What I tell folks on the receiving end, trying to support a survivor, is that survivors are the GPS we take our direction from. That is critical. Whatever survivors want to do or don't want to do, they need our support. That's how we show up. It's literally as simple as that.

It means so much because giving them control back is helping to empower them, little by little. We want folks to know that they are not alone, that what happened to them is not their fault, that there is support out there. And for them to tell their story. 

It is a privilege to be in someone's space when they have disclosed to you. That says a number of things: that they trust you, that you are a level of safety for them on most occasions. I encourage folks who are on that receiving end to hold that as a sacred trust, as sacred information that should be held in the highest regard.

Elie: There's so much in what you shared. To my readers and listeners, if something resonated, give yourself space to notice what comes up. 

This is a jump, but what do you say to organizations that want to support sexual violence and intimate partner violence survivors in their workforce 

Dr. Henard: It's important that agencies recognize that they have survivors in their midst, that they have survivors who work for them. It's important that agencies be very transparent about supports in place on an organizational level, to support staff who may be survivors of sexual violence or intimate partner violence.

What happens if someone needs additional supports? Perhaps that's just refreshing people's memory on the policies in place. Perhaps it’s creating a separate sexual and intimate partner violence policy. If someone comes to you, and says that they have just been sexually assaulted, what does that look like on an HR level? Time off, mental health support, those things are so important.  

If they are victims of stalking or domestic violence, there's a level of safety within this. It’s important that organizations think about this from a humanistic standpoint.

Leaders and HR folks are all about, “Okay, what's in the law?” and “What do I have to do?” But when you're dealing with issues of this magnitude and that are this sensitive and delicate, sometimes you have to think outside the box. Sometimes you have to lead with your heart and really think about this from a human standpoint.

Grace and compassion come to mind, when I think about organizations and how they should show up for their staff who have experienced this. You got to have grace, you got to have compassion, you got to have flexibility, thinking outside of the box.

There's a lot of power that we hold, as leaders of our organizations. There's a lot more we can do than what we can't do.

When I say, the impact of being sexually violated, there are no words. If your staff member comes to you, my hope is you would do everything within your power so they aren't fighting another battle, trying to make sure they keep their job.

Elie: I see how the workplace responds to intimate partner violence as an area of opportunity. It's a place where the survivor may feel a sense of safety during the day. There's an opportunity to support.

Dr. Henard: We really need to revisit how organizations are showing up for survivors who are their staff. A lot of organizations don't have policies in place and don't even think about that they have survivors in their midst. The data tells us one in four women, one in six men, one in 10 children. If you're leading an organization of 200 people, do the math. That's a lot of survivors. I’m always operating on the assumption that I am standing before survivors because that's what the data tells me.

Elie: The last question I have is to ask about how technology is impacting sexual violence and how we see sexual violence.

Dr. Henard:  Technology is such a double-edged sword. It is having a huge impact on multiple levels.

What we're seeing with our young people who have been sexually violated, who are in schools — we saw this particularly in D.C. — is that when they came back from virtual learning, we saw an increase in sexual assaults happening in school, students-to-students, on campuses. 

What we saw, as it relates to technology, is that the girls who were violated would go on Facebook and Instagram and call out the perpetrators who sexually violated them. Then it would be like this division. Her friends would rally around her, etc., etc. The sexual assaults were spilling over into social media. It was very challenging territory for schools to maneuver, dealing with Title IX. It's definitely impacting our youth in a not-great way.

The other side is that we're seeing a lot of disclosures on social media. Folks are using that platform to bring their voice back. We are always in support of that. The #MeToo movement was founded by Tarana Burke, a Black woman. At the height of it, Alyssa Milano tweeted #MeToo and folks got educated around what the #MeToo movement was. But that started on social media. 

We've seen a lot of disclosures and survivors using their voice on social media. The beauty of that is, when a survivor witnesses another survivor telling their story, there is power in that. There is strength in that. That may give them the courage to tell their story.

We've seen it both ways. We've seen how social media can give survivors their voice back. We've seen how social media can be used to create national discourse and conversation around sexual violence. We saw this pointedly with Weinstein and Bill Cosby. LifetimeTV did a whole R. Kelly series and there was so much controversy around that.

We're also seeing this is challenging the tech companies to get their act together: TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. What are the safety measures being put in place looking at online abuse, folks who are stalking, folks who are predatory on children. There is a safety side as it relates to our technology that needs to be tightened up.

Some tech companies have started to work with Safety Advisory Boards on getting guidance on what this looks like. There are full positions around gender-based violence. But there's still work to be done.

Elie: Is there anything else that you'd like to share with us before we close?

Dr. Henard: This has been such a fabulous conversation. Thank you so much for your support of me and my leadership, and the work of the center. This is such a unique time to be doing sexual violence work. There is not a walk of life, that sexual violence does not impact. 

Everybody should be talking about sexual violence.

I am just grateful that I get to lead one of the best organizations in the game and the oldest rape crisis center. For me, my work is continuing to be in service.

I think to really disrupt sexual violence on the level that it needs to be disrupted, it's going to take partners. 

It's going to take a global coalition to make that happen. I am grateful that you have been, and continue to be, a part of our journey. For anyone out there — reach out for support and know that you aren't alone.

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You can connect with Dr. Indira Henard here and follow her on Twitter. Learn more about the Washington D.C. Rape Crisis Center here and follow them on Twitter.

You can find the Rape Crisis Counseling app and website here. For greater accessibility, the full content of the mobile app is now 100% online.

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