The Antidote to Trauma
One of the traps of having a logical mind is believing that we can think our way out of any situation. The mind is so on fire with its own light that it believes no task is too big for it. Just believe in yourself, it whispers, and nothing is impossible.
It doesn't help that this positive-thinking refrain is echoed in popular culture and New-Age "manifesting". Even positive psychology, with all its encouragement and optimism, assigns too much responsibility to the mind to resolve things.
But for those of us with trauma, too often the mind becomes an enemy.
No longer a source of solutions, the mind becomes a place of recurring devastation. We try to think our way out of a flashback, but it doesn't work and the failure sends us into a spiral of shame. We try to think our way into not being overwhelmed by things that didn’t overwhelm us “before”, only to fall into the trap of hypervigilance.
The traumatized mind can feel like it has turned against itself.
The logic that used to find creative solutions to the daily challenges of life starts to run in circles. Our threat response is skewed, either set so high that everything alarms us, or so low that we keep finding ourselves back in dangerous situations.
It doesn't take long before we stop trusting ourselves.
Trauma is a body-based response that the mind tries to control at its peril and with disastrous results. Trying to think our way out of it just puts more stress on our already overloaded systems. This is because the conscious, thinking part of the brain (the neocortex) is not the part of us that is holding on to the unresolved trauma.
Instead, we need to go into the body to work the traumatic imprints and sensations. But for good reasons (that often have to do with the original trauma), this is the last place we want to go.
Fortunately, there is a secret to all of this, a key that unlocks trauma resolution like nothing else does. I'm going to share it with you, but first we need to understand what's missing when we have unresolved trauma in our systems.
Trauma and Anhedonia
Maybe you've heard of "anhedonia." It's a psychological term for the avoidance of pleasure and it's a common symptom of unresolved trauma. Anhedonia is why we stop wanting intimacy with our partners. It’s why we lose interest in food, creativity, having fun, being out in Nature, spending time with friends and family, and anything (and everything) else we used to enjoy.
Anhedonia is why the color goes out of life after a traumatic experience. It's why we feel flat, grey, and like life might no longer be worth living. I've been there and it is like the life has been sucked out of everything. Even physical sensations feel blunted and dull.
Anhedonia happens because the overwhelm that created the original trauma is still in our system. The brain and body respond to the ongoing overwhelm by dampening our internal response to stimuli. To cope with the trauma, we turn everything down. Only that doesn't just impact the challenging experiences, it affects pleasurable ones too.
Because the body-mind doesn't want to fully feel the unresolved trauma, we are also less able to feel pleasure, sensuality, connection, and even our experience of self. Because our entire experience is muted, numbness sets in.
It's important to note that anhedonia is an adaptive response to a traumatic event or situation, when the traumatic event is actually happening. Anhedonia is a kind of protection mechanism that keeps us from fully feeling the terror of the moment. But afterwards, if the trauma remains unresolved, that anhedonia stays with us.
And it impacts everything, because until we resolve the trauma, we're not able to feel and experience the goodness of life that is all around us.
Pleasure is the Antidote to Trauma
Pleasure is the single most effective tool for gently and effectively resolving trauma. It forges new neural pathways that connect the thalamus (a sensing part of the brain) to the neocortex and helps us to literally feel again.
We often dismiss pleasure because it’s somewhat taboo to talk about. Lots of world religions and philosophies see pleasure as suspicious, not serious, or even “evil”. But the mind often wants to make things harder than they need to be. It’s looking for big breakthroughs and sudden transformations. But pleasure isn’t like that.
Pleasure can be gentle, simple, and safe. It’s also free. We can access it anytime, anywhere, simply by shifting our awareness and being open to our experience of sensations.
Pleasure is the single most under-utilized trauma healing tool.
We are so used to escaping into the mind to try to solve things, we assume that’s where the healing is. But the mind isn't the part of us that experiences trauma — or pleasure. Pleasure is firmly the domain of the body’s nervous system.
The most reliable way to let our bodies know that it's safe enough to feel again is with pleasure. When done right, pleasure literally brings the body-mind back to life.
And the growing sense of aliveness transforms everything, bringing color and joy back to our experience of the world.
The Wisdom of Titration
Like all good antidotes, pleasure needs to be dosed in the right amount and at the right times. Too much or too fast will likely trigger the opposite response in our systems.
Remember, we're literally rewiring our brains with new neural pathways through pleasure. And just like forging a new trail through the bush, it takes time and effort before the path is easily accessible.
When we’re on the path of pleasure as a trauma healing tool, we shouldn’t expect instant results. We shouldn’t pressure ourselves with reminders of how easy it used to be to feel things. If a certain activity (like sexual intimacy) used to bring us lots of joy, and now it doesn't, that's normal. The joy will return, with patience and practice.
Our lives are worth the effort to heal.
Think of it like physical rehabilitation, but for our pleasure response systems. Just like we wouldn't overtire ourselves exercising on a knee injury we’re trying to heal, our nervous systems need the same level of attention and awareness.
Moments of pleasure are a good time to practice the trauma resolution skill of titration, where we take on only what our nervous systems are capable of doing at that moment and no more. We need to learn how to say no to our minds’ desire to rush healing. We need to push back against our expectations of immediate results and judgement about whether or not the pleasure is “working”.
One of the easiest ways to come back to pleasure slowly and safely is to attune to our senses. I've shared some ways you can try this below.
Although pleasure is natural and healing, trauma resolution is serious business. I encourage you to go slow. Slow and gentle processes are the deepest and most-assured pathways to healing. When we go slow, we start to become aware of the physical and emotional signs that our nervous systems are at capacity, and that we need to stop.
When we go slow, we learn to attune to our bodies' subtle signals that we've had enough. The mind may want to override those signals and push through towards some imaginary goal, but the invitation is to listen to our bodies’ signals to stop.
We can trust our innate ability to heal. Through pleasure, we learn once more to trust our bodies. We finally learn to relax again. And it feels so good.
Simple Ways to Safely Access the Power of Pleasure
Tuning into the five senses during the following experiences will heighten your pleasure.
Pay attention to your breath and if you notice you are holding your breath or you stop breathing at any point, pause. Take a moment to connect with yourself, and then return to the experience if you want to.
If at any point you start to feel tension or overwhelm, take a break and go do something else. Give yourself permission to stop when you’ve had enough. Don't force pleasure, it will come with time.
1. Linger in bed when you wake up in the morning.
Stretch. Take some deep breaths. Give yourself a few minutes of doing nothing but feeling your body and noticing what feels good.
2. Practice self-touch by stroking your arms or your legs slowly with your hands.
Notice the pressure and speed that you prefer. Keep breathing as you give yourself soothing touch and notice how it shifts your state.
3. Go for a walk outside.
Don't try to achieve speed or distance, instead notice the world around you. What does it feel like to walk on the earth or pavement? What do you notice around you? Be open to small details that surprise you. If you can walk someplace naturally beautiful, all the better, but even doing this in a crowded city can bring unexpected joy.
4. Cook yourself a meal with fresh and tasty ingredients.
Give yourself lots of time to go slow and savor each step. Notice the color and texture of the fruits, vegetables, or grains. Feel the weight of the knife in your hands. Smell and taste when it's hygienic to do so, and pause in the moment, taking in the experience.
5. Enjoy a hot shower or a bath.
Feel the pressure and sensation of the water on your skin. Notice the scent of any products or essential oils you're using. As you wash yourself, relax into the pleasure of the sensations of the washcloth or loofah. Go slow and be sure not to push yourself here. Just let your body drink in the pleasure.
I hope that these suggestions will spark ideas of your own to explore, and that the pathway to pleasure becomes part of your healing journey from here on.
Pleasure is a huge part of my trauma resolution work with clients. Get in touch if you'd like to learn more.
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