Articles on Trauma and Relationships
Anxiety is a Messenger
CPTSD anxiety isn't regular anxiety. It's a messenger from unresolved trauma. Learn five ways it shows up and why befriending it works better than managing it.
The False Safety of Withdrawal
Withdrawal feels like protection but it sabotages the closeness you want. Learn why complex trauma makes distance feel safer than connection, and how to shift it.
How to Heal CPTSD Over the Holidays
The holidays don't have to mean white-knuckling through flashbacks. Learn a 5-step process to navigate CPTSD flashbacks and turn the holidays into healing.
Masking Complex Trauma (CPTSD) and the Holidays
Masking CPTSD keeps you performing instead of connecting. Learn why high-performers hide behind cheerful compliance and how to start letting the people you love actually see you.
Trauma and Responsibility (when Healing CPTSD)
What happened to you isn't your fault, but healing is your responsibility. Learn how to stop letting unresolved trauma damage the relationships you care about most.
When Close Isn't Safe
You long for closeness but push it away the moment it arrives. Learn why complex trauma makes intimacy feel dangerous and how to start making connection feel safe.
How We Retraumatize Ourselves (and What to Do About It)
Much of what passes for healing can make complex trauma worse. Learn how biohacking, spiritual practices, and pushing through "resistance" retraumatize your nervous system.
Stop Shaking the Baby
High sensation seeking feels like aliveness, but it's often a sophisticated way to avoid healing. Learn why intensity keeps you stuck and how to find your way to calm.
The Entity Will See You Now
AI mental health tools are getting smarter, but they can't be trusted with your inner world. A trauma specialist explains why human-to-human healing can't be replaced.
When Tolerance is a Bad Thing
You'd say you were mostly fine. But underneath that "fine" is hopelessness you've learned to tolerate. Learn why insight alone doesn't heal complex trauma and what does.
Not Alone in the Dark
I spent decades waking in terror before I learned what my nervous system needed. This is the story of finding the wounded child inside and finally bringing her home.
Why It's Hard to Savor the Good Stuff (in Trauma Healing)
You've worked so hard for this life, but you can't let the good stuff in. Learn why trauma blocks pleasure, and how to teach your nervous system that feeling good is safe.
The Mask of High-Performance
You rarely rest because the dread starts the instant you pause. Learn why high performance masks unresolved trauma and what your hardworking part is really protecting you from.
The Disloyalty of Healing
Healing complex trauma means betraying the values your family taught you. Learn why getting better can feel like disloyalty, and why that betrayal is necessary.
Perfect is the Enemy of Safe
Perfectionism isn't ambition. It's a survival strategy from childhood that destroys your relationships. Learn where it comes from and how to keep your standards without the suffering.
Cultural Complicity and Complex Trauma
Society teaches us to dismiss and minimize the impacts of complex trauma, insisting we “Grow up and get over it,” instead of turning towards it with understanding so it heals.
False Empowerment and Trauma Healing: 5 Patterns to Watch Out For
What looks like empowerment is often grandiosity in disguise. Learn five patterns that masquerade as healing but actually push people away, and what real empowerment looks like.
Managing CPTSD During Holiday Family Gatherings: 5 Essential Skills
Family gatherings activate old trauma patterns before you even realize it. Learn 5 essential skills for staying centered and connected when your nervous system says "run."
It Wasn't That Bad
Until we get to know the shapeshifter of denial, our attempts to heal the past remain superficial at best. We polish our memories, not wanting to remember the fear or suffering under their smooth surface.
The Inner Child Does Not Go on Vacation
Despite the inner work we've done, parts of us still surface in despair, dejected precisely because they continue to be met with our disdain and indifference.