The Reality of Post-Traumatic Growth
Active trauma — or post-traumatic stress, if you prefer the diagnostic term — is one of the most isolating experiences a human being can have.
We sleep too little and become increasingly hypervigilant and untrusting. We are overwhelmed by the intensity of our depression and our flashbacks. We may feel physically unsafe with people, unable to deepen in authentic relationships. Maybe we hide in plain sight, deflecting attention, assuring others that everything is okay.
When we’re holding on for dear life, it can feel like life is going to stay like this forever.
Until we find our way towards healing.
I want to talk about a milestone in the journey — the goodness of what's clinically called "Post-Traumatic Growth."
I need to share this with you, because it is nothing short of miraculous how our body-mind can — and wants — to heal.
12 Signs of Post-Traumatic Growth
We'll explore the different facets of post-traumatic growth more in a future post, but here's what it looks like to experience it:
Feeling grateful and excited about life again.
Feeling safe to be in our bodies and feel sensations again.
Feeling relaxed enough to engage in social situations.
Being open to increasing emotional intimacy with trusted others.
Discerning who (and what) is healthy for us and who (and what) is not — and setting boundaries accordingly.
Opening to authentic self-expression about our needs and desires.
Enjoying sexual intimacy.
Knowing what we need and how to give it to ourselves.
Trusting we can ask for help and support from those around us and receive it.
Knowing how to navigate flashbacks and intrusive thoughts with self-compassion.
Being able to tell the stories of what happened to us with self-care.
Seizing our desires and our purpose to create our lives.
Trust me that, no matter what you've been through, post-traumatic growth is available to you. And here's the biggest secret, which I'm going to shout in all-caps because it's so important:
Where you are going is better than where you’ve been.
Let me explain.
The Secret of Post-Traumatic Growth
Research is clear that until we take the steps to heal, those of us with trauma histories are more vulnerable to repeating traumas in our future.
Because of the accumulated weight of unhealed trauma in our minds and bodies, each successive trauma to the system adds to the accumulated whole.
But when we heal, we don't just heal the recent trauma — we heal all of it. The interconnected armor of suffering that has been weighing down our lives is slowly dismantled because we have the tools we need to liberate ourselves.
The numbness and shutdown we were starting to fear was "normal" slowly gives way to feeling again — the whole range of feeling, with a visceral aliveness that is unmistakable. As feeling returns, we experience it as nothing short of miraculous.
But the truth is, our body-mind knows how to create this in each one of us, without exception.
Once we learn the skills to navigate and heal our trauma, we have the ability to do so for the rest of our lives.
That means that whatever else arises, we are capable and equipped to meet it head-on. This brings a wonderful rush of self-confidence into the abyss where there was self-doubt before.
As time progresses, we see how we're able to meet life's challenges. These are new skills that we didn't have before, and they bring a multitude of blessings to our lives.
Internally, we start to navigate nervous system activation with presence and calm. We can feel our feelings — all of them — without descending into flashbacks and overwhelm.
(This is not about will or effort, this is about understanding how to heal trauma in the nervous system.)
We begin to grow a support network of friends who will be there through the tough times. We understand what it feels like to suffer, yet we are no longer paralyzed by our suffering. Our ability to empathize and connect with others becomes unparalleled — a true superpower.
Most of all, we are able to live authentically, finally free from the past. We are able to value ourselves and see our desires as the maps to our most fulfilling lives.
What to Expect from Post-Traumatic Growth
Wherever you are on your journey, I want you to know that you are built to heal.
Trauma is like a splinter that wants to come out. Flashbacks, overwhelm, and other symptoms are our bodies’ way of asking for help.
It takes a massive amount of energy and effort for the body-mind to hold on to unresolved trauma. When we heal ourselves, that same energy is freed up and available for us to do whatever we want with.
This is no small thing.
Many of us have been living with unresolved trauma for so long, we don't know what it feels like to live without it. Without meaning to, we let the tension and pain narrow the horizons of our life.
Until we heal.
And when we heal, let me tell you — the expansiveness, the warmth of aliveness, the free flow of energy — it’s all so worth it. Living with post-traumatic growth is its own reward, beyond anything we could have imagined before.
Healing is best done with someone who is trained to guide you, but it's up to you to choose it. And to choose it each day, letting the colors of life get brighter and brighter.
Healing is our birthright.
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Thank you for reading.
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